Wow...where do I begin? About 3,000 years ago, the Earth was in dire straights. A meniacal sorcerous by the name of Barand Darthlon with his army of deadly zombie ninja robot elves had succeeded in conquering the free world, and ruled with diabolical tyranny. The only hope for the people of Earth was Dyranno, the space-traveller from the dark planet Zoth. The people of Earth begged Dyranno to come to their aid, but the famous warrior was otherwise occupied, trying to defend his culture from the evil rap parasites, who had already wasted more lives than shark attacks, lightning strikes, and bees combined. Thus, the people of Earth despaired. With no one to come to their aid, they were at the mercy of the zombie robot ninja elves, unable to combat the might of their redundancy. But there was one man who would not stand and take it. One man who would not bow to the ridiculous tyranny. That man was Wanakaluinulusthor (his friends called him 'Wank' for short). Together with his band of quirky misfit nerds, he challenged that magician guy I was talking about at the beginning, and they fought to determine the fate of mankind. As the tremendous battle reached its climax, the sheer energy of their herculean exersions caused a rift to open in the fabric of space-time, throwing the deadly pair far into the future. They soon discovered themselves in a cliched futuristic environment complete with flying cars, bounty hunters, robot gangsters, and cyborg hookers. Putting aside their differences, they are going to set out together to find a way to return to the past. After a short series of quirky adventures emphasizing the irony of their ignorance, they will predictably encounter some dusty old professor named Thrangazon, who will be working on a time-travel experiment. Conveniently enough, his time-machine will only be missing three parts. The professor will make a deal with our (heroes?), saying that they can use his time machine to return to the past if they will help him to obtain these items. They will have to steal these items from professor Thrangazon's archrival, Drathogus, who had stolen Thrangazon's idea, and started a multi-billion dollar corporation, known as Bjornius Inc. Our heroes complete their quest, along with their friends, a displaced hobo who thinks he's a cowboy, and a misunderstood ex-serial killer who likes puppies. Having accomplished their mission, they will be ready to return to their own era. They will step into the time machine, and professor Thrangazon will throw the switch. And behold! Time travel will been achieved! Unfortunately for Wank and Darthlon, this time machine will be a prototype in experimental technology. Due to an unforseen variation in the timestream, they do not reach their destination. Instead, they arrive at a point halfway in between - improbably coinciding exactly with our present time. The timestream anomaly had another fantastic effect as well - Wank and Darthlon's bodies and minds had fused together to create a new person, neither Wank nor Darthlon, but both at once. After considering several new names for himself, such as Wanklon and Darthwank, the new being decided his names were stupid enough before the fusion, so he decided to just call himself Ben. And here I am today. Nevermind the inconsequential details in the intervening time.